Introduction to Jolee & Shayna Updates

I am reprinting old Jolee updates from my e-mail storage, primarily so I can not worry about the old e-mails. I am including comments from friends and family.

Great delays (Labor Day, 1998)

It's been a busy week. Sorry for the lack of
Jolee updates.
 
Jolee, when walking by our neighbor's building, pointed to the large American flag and said, "Flag!"
 
No big deal, right?
 
She then pointed to one of the smaller flags and looked at me, inquisitively, and said, "Baby flag!?"
 
Have a great labor day!

How Jolee celebrated (September 9, 1998)

The cable was out, so the TV was fuzzy, but when Mark McGuire hit his 62nd home run last night, Jolee was very excited, yelling "Go Beemac [Big Mac]" and "Go 'Ankees!" alternately.

Remembering her roots.... (Fall 1998)

Jolee ate an entire burrito.

Pictures (August 1998)

Pictures, hurrah!
These are in bmp format.
Sorry if you can't read them.
The company's "new" scanner won't scan in jpg format.

#1 is Jolee in May, just a great picture courtesy of Natalia, Melanie's
(and Jolee's) cousin














#2 is Jolee on the Sea-Doo, 4th of July weekend, on Lake Webb in Weld,
Maine, courtesy of cousin Marc Bujold's telephoto lens













and #3 is Jolee on the phone, corner of 3rd Ave and 92nd Street,
Brooklyn, just last month










Since I'm sending these in a new format, please let me know if these got
there okay

Bill

Bed Time! (August 1998)

On Saturday, a nice man came over and delivered Jolee's bed, a
twin-sized "captain's" bed, with drawers underneath. Jolee had no
problem adjusting whatsoever. In fact, she is so exicted, every time we
go to her room, she starts talking about her bed. She's had two long
naps and uneventful evenings in the bed. She is quite proud of herself
for being a "big girl" in the big girl's bed.

Jolee Bonus or A Theological Conundrum (July 1998)

Yesterday, Jolee handed me a book. On the cover was a dog. The following
conversation took place:

JOLEE: Cat?

BILL: No, dog.

JOLEE: Cat?

BILL: Dog.

JOLEE: Cat?

BILL: Dog.

JOLEE: God?

BILL: No, Dog. D-O-G. Dog.

JOLEE: (Nodding) Yeah, God.

BILL: No, Jolee, dog.

JOLEE: Cat?

BILL: (Sigh)

Jolee's Unlucky Numbers, South Park, and Gila Monsters (July 1998)

It is amazing how, in under a month, a toddler can go from
unintelligible jibberish into a communicating machine.

Jolee can count up to 15, but has some aversion to the numbers 7 and 11.
Was she a craps player in a previous life? Or a manager of a chain
convenience store? We're not sure.

This morning, Jolee woke up in her crib, looked at me and Melanie and
said "TV". Yikes! Where did we go wrong? Our only consolation is that
she said "book" much sooner than "TV".

On the way to a BBQ at Grandma Cyndee's friend Michael's house on
Saturday, we taught Jolee to say "Kenny," "Stan," "Kyle" and "Cartman."
I was wearing a South Park shirt and she was pointing to the characters,
so we figured we'd tell her their names. Jolee had fun at the BBQ and
ate a lot of yummy BBQ chicken.

Yesterday Jolee was on hand to help inaugurate the Brooklyn chapter of
PCOC (Pasadena Connoisseurs of the Cinema), the movie club that we had
been attending since its inception in April 1993. They're still going
strong out in LA with the group, and our original outing was a strong 6
attendees, 7 if you count Jolee, who will be left behind with one of her
parents when it is not at their place. We love her, but an almost-two
year old is a rather disruptive force while everyone is watching a
movie. Despite the presence of several burros and a gila monster, THE
TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE was not Jolee's cup 'o tea.

Long Overdue Update and Bambi's Plight (July 1998)

Apologies for the Jolee drought. Let's catch up!

On July 2nd, Jolee and I boarded a small plane and headed to Boston to
meet up with Melanie who was working in the area. After picking us up
from Logan Airport, we went to downtown Boston, Melanie went off to work
and Jolee and I were joined by cousin Elizabeth Cohen. After a Mulan
Happy Meal, we wandered through Boston Common and went to Boston Garden
(I think) and took a ride on the world-famous Swan paddle boats. 'Twas a
beautiful summer day and Jolee, who has a slight affection for "quacks"
a.k.a. ducks, was totally thrilled by the plethora of fowl in the
vicinity. It was only a brief visit, but the three Cohen cousins had a
wonderful walk and a grand time.

Later on, after sleeping through a trip to Trader Joe's, we met up with
Noelle Pyszka. After Jolee had the run of the house, we headed off to
the Wharf district where, after visiting the somber Shoah sculpture
(which is phenomenal and a must-see in Boston) we ate, oh, the name
escapes me, but it was historic and served fish. Of course, I had the
Yankee Pot Roast. Then Jolee got bored with dinner and watched a street
musician playing classical guitar. Then she went to the Disney store,
shouting Sim-BAH! Sim-BAH! over and over. Then we headed toward the
waterfront to see some fireworks.
Guess what? Jolee still hates loud noises, especially when accompanied
by bright, colorful explosions. I think Noelle is still feeling guilty
about that one. Don't worry, Noelle, we'll send the therapy bills to
your new address in California.
After returning to our hotel in Waltham, Mass., which was currently
besieged by the Knights and Daughters of Vartan (don't ask, it wasn't
pretty), we retired for the night.
In the morning, we drove up to Nashua, N.H. and met Melanie's friend
Diane and her husband Jim at the local mall. Diane and Jim live nearby,
it wasn't a random choice. We perused some learning stores, one in which
Jolee traipsed around with a Barney doll and said "Bah-nee!" repeatedly.
Melanie was not happy. After a nice quiet lunch (Jolee slept through
it), we drove North, and then cut East into Maine and then headed up to
the little village of Weld, on Webb Lake where Jolee's Great Aunt Lee
and Great Uncle Joe have a house at Birch Point.
Aunt Lee learned quickly what an unleashed toddler can do to a houseful
of antiques. Fortunately, nothing was broken (as far as I know),
although there was a moment when Jolee pushed a 4 ft high wooden "Bambi"
over, threatening its antlers. Jolee had a blast playing with the
Bujolds 2 Japanese Chin showdogs, Casio and Yoko Ono, as well as chasing
the occasional Catscan. Jolee's most wise moment came when she pointed
to the mounted deer head above the fireplace and said, "Bambi stuck."
We had a nice birthday dinner for me, with cousin Marc, wife Jill, and
Aunt Maddy (Joe's sister) who all have cabins a bit down the lake.
Marc's best friend Tony was also visiting from Boston.
On Saturday, the 4th, we woke up in the "Loon Room" (the guest bedroom
done up in "quacks") and mosied down to Marc and Jill's where Jolee took
a nap while I helped Marc and Tony stack firewood. When Jolee awoke, I
carried her out into the lake and she sat on the sea-doo (a.k.a. jetski)
for about 20 minutes. Don't worry, it wasn't on, just floating. When I
finally brought Jolee back in and Tony went out out out onto the lake,
Jolee cried hysterically. Tony had stolen her "boat."
That night, there was a raging party at Birch Point and Jolee had a
blast. She danced with Jill, she danced while people played with
sparklers, she ate a lot of chips, and she had a grand old time.
Then,the fireworks started across the lake. No matter that these were
puny compared to Boston, she didn't like them one bit.
And yesterday (Sunday) we said our goodbyes to the woods of Maine and
drove back to Boston and caught a plane back to JFK where Granddaddy
Barry picked us up and drove us back to Bay Ridge. A wonderful,
fun-filled holiday weekend. But, alas, poor Bambi is still stuck.

Milestone for Jolee (June - July 1998)

On Saturday, Jolee had her first trip to the movies.

We were worried at first. Jolee's eyes got really big when the lights
went down. The screen lit up and she pointed and shouted "TV!" Then, in
a n ad for movie-fone, she proceeded to call out "moon!" and "car!" when
these items appeared on screen.

However, once the previews started, she was quiet. MULAN was a hit, and
all 3 of us enjoyed it. The day was especially big for Jolee who got to
go via subway, without a stroller. She was a good little girl and we
believe she ate more popcorn than either of us.

Do not read this if you don't want an image of me wearing just shorts. (June 1998)

It's a muggy night in the city. Jolee's laughing hysterically. I am
sitting on the couch with her. I am wearing just a pair of shorts. She
pokes her finger painfully into my belly button. I wince and say "Ow!"
she laughs. I cover my navel with my right hand. Jolee laughs. She then
pokes my nipple. I move my hand from my stomach to my breast. Again,
peals of laughter. "No problem," she seems to say, "I'll just jam my
finger into your belly button again!" She laughs uncontrollably. What a
funny game!

salmon jerkey and altoids (June 1998)

Jolee surprised us on Saturday as Melanie and I tore into a bag of
Trader Joe's Salmon Jerky (recently imported from the store in
Emeryville, CA). Jolee, the curious child, demanded a piece and, despite
the fact that the jerky is very spicy, Jolee proceeded to devour several
pieces without complaint.

She feels otherwise about altoids, the curiously strong mints, that she
knocked off the bookcase, spilling them onto the floor. Before I could
stop her, she had one in her mouth (she has countlessly seen Melanie and
I open the red tin, and our steadfast refusal to give her any mints must
have piqued her curiosity). Needless to say, the altoid visited Jolee
only briefly: her face turned "Blach!" and she said "Here," and handed
me a soggy lump of rejected altoid. Her breath was a bit minty, but only
for a few minutes.

Hands off My Grandma! E-I-E-I-Oooooooo (June 1998)

Yesterday, Grandma Cyndee went to pick up Jolee at daycare. Jolee saw
her and headed to the closet where her jacket is hung (and God forbid
you try and leave without her jacket). Unfortunately, little Robbie and
Stevie saw Cyndee too and ran toward her, delighted by her Grover
sweatshirt. Jolee looked back over her shoulder to see if Grandma was
following her to the closet, saw the two boys next to Grandma, whirled
around and, in Cyndee's words, "moved faster than I'd ever seen her move
before." Jolee was very upset that these two young upstarts were
harassing Grandma, and did all she could to protect her.

This morning, I discovered that Jolee knows the chorus to Old MacDonald
Had a Farm. She sings along E I E I O. This was news to me and made the
day start off with quite a wonderful moment. Jolee, however, sometimes
tries the variants E I E I OOH and E I E I E I E I E I E.

A busy weekend for Jolee (May 1998)

What a weekend!

On Saturday, the first really beautiful weekend day in a long, long
time. Melanie, Jolee and I took the subway to Penn Station, then the
Long Island Railroad out to Port Washington where my boss was waiting
with his Jeep Cherokee. We stopped at a SUPERmarket, something I haven't
seen since leaving L.A., and then headed out to the marina where my boss
Hank's boat, the Rocinante, was waiting.

Jolee, upon entering the marina, looked out at the vast expanse of
water, and displayed her city girl mentality by pointing and saying
"Bath".
Once the initial struggle with the life vest was over, Jolee ran around
the boat, saying "Wow" and "Bath" alternately. Except for the occasional
"I'm-almost-two-and-I'm-not-getting-my-way ear-piercing scream," Jolee
was well-behaved. There was a strong breeze blowing in the morning and
we headed out into Long Island Sound for a few hours. I learned a bit
about sailing and Jolee dozed at times, but did not get seasick (Hank
later alluded to the fact that he was a bit worried about her, but
overall was impressed).

Once back in the marina, Jolee decided to roam the docks, picking up
seashells and rocks and throwing them into the water with great abandon.
She possibly enjoyed this more than actually being on the boat itself.
At one point, Melanie Jolee and I got into Hank's dingy (please, no
dinghy jokes) and motored around for a minute or two before the engine
died. Fortunately, we had oars, and were able to make it back to the
Rocinante. My rowing skills, once finely honed by the counselors at Camp
Wa-kon-tah in Springfield, Illinois, were attrocious, but I managed.

Then it was back to the boat for a late lunch, back to the jeep, back on
the LIRR, and back to Bay Ridge. All in all, a sun and fun-filled day.

Sunday was fun too. At 2:00 we met up with cousin Daniel Cohen, wife
Kate, and little cousin David, who had been enjoying an exciting week in
New York. Together we all headed for Prospect Park where David and Jolee
got to run around, play with their balloons, and watch a kid's circus.
Jolee particularly enjoyed the trained poodles, go figure. After which
we had a bite at a local pizza place in Park Slope, Jolee having a ziti
pizza.

All in all, a busy and exhausting weekend.

Just a note, the What Did Jolee Do? update will be on hiatus May 26-June
5th due to our upcoming trip to Florida and my business trip to San
Francisco. I will try and give you your money's worth this week to keep
you going through this down time.

Bill

Pictures from last weekend! (May 1998)

Here are 4 pictures from the last two updates:
#1 is Jolee on Hank's boat (Hank on the left, dad on the right)
#2 is Jolee also on the boat
#3 is Jolee and cousin David Cohen at Prospect Park
#4 is the infamous slide, Jolee, David behind her and me behind her. If
you look closely, way in the back lower right corner, you can see Daniel
Cohen and his friend Robert on a bench, but it's a stretch.

Of course, I would've sent many more pictures, but the guy in the
computer room is getting annoyed with me.

Aloha!

Mother's Day and the Fingernail Fairy (May 1999)

For those of you who tuned in to the Today Show on Mother's Day to see
us, you may have noticed the weather conditions were not conducive to
the releasing of a toddler onto the streets of New York. In other words,
it's hard to motivate oneself when it's raining buckets at 6:00 AM on a
Sunday morning.

Jolee celebrated Mother's Day by insisting on the use of a glass at the
Bay Ridge Diner. Fortunately, the waiter brought a paper cup before
Jolee broke the glass, though she let everyone (and I do mean everyone)
in the restauarnt know that she was unhappy with parental attempts to
deprive her of her right to pour water and ice all over her mother on
mother's day.

Jolee does not like nail clippers, so Melanie, since Jolee has been an
infant, trims Jolee's nails by nibbling her little fingertips and thus
removing the number of potentially dangerous weapons in the house by
ten. Jolee however, last night, mimicked Melanie by sticking her own
fingers in her mouth, then mock-spitting the imaginary nail she had just
pretended to bite. As precious as this sounds, we are now considering
reintroducing Jolee to the nail clippers.

You don't bring me flowers.......(May 1999)

Yesterday, Jolee's Grandma Cyndee picked her up from daycare. They were
walking home and had stopped to admire a planter on the corner with
several pretty flowers in it. Jolee, in typical fashion, said "Hi!" to a
passing stranger. He stopped, said "Hello Sweetie" or something to that
effect, and as Jolee watched, leaned over and picked one of the flowers
from the planter and handed it to Jolee. Jolee was horrified that this
man had done this to the flower and started crying. The man apologized
and handed the flower to Cyndee to give to Jolee. Jolee wanted nothing
to do with it and refused to budge until Grandma had put the flower back
in the exact spot where the man had picked it . Only then, was she okay
to move on and continue home.

A Programming Note (Spring 1999)

Jolee Updates go out to 58 addresses, representing 14 states and 2
foreign countries(Germany and Egypt). If you know anyone who isn't on
the list, but should be, please have them e-mail me for inclusion onto
the list.

Last night Jolee had it rough, bonking her head on three separate
inanimate objects, spilling bath salts all over the bathroom, and trying
her new pull-up routine on the oven door (don't worry, it wasn't
loaded). Miraculously, once her mother came home, she was quite the
little angel. Tonight promises another reunion with Cy and Cg. Stay
tuned for future updates.

Jolee Rides Again (Spring 1999)

At 2:30 A.M., Jolee was up and didn't seem to want to fall back asleep.
After trying several things, I brought her into our bed (Melanie is in
Philadelphia) and she lay down and was quiet enough to allow me to fall
back asleep. Suddenly, a jolt woke me. Earthquake? No we're not in
California. Iceberg? No, I still haven't seen TITANIC. Jolee was
straddling my back, bouncing up and down, trying to coax a Midnight ride
out of me. So much for sleep. We both dozed off twenty minutes later
after a nice healthy dose of soy milk.

Lamb-ada (April 1999)

Hello All...

Thanks for all of the notes about Trillian. It's good to know people are
thinking about her. Friday, when Jolee came home from daycare, she kept
saying "Cat Cat". When Melanie pointed to Goblin and said "There he is,"
Jolee looked under the table to the chair where Trillian normally sat.
Aside from that, Jolee seems to be faring better than Mom and Dad.

Yesterday we partied with our landlords as they celebrated Greek Easter
and feasted on a lamb that was being grilled on a spit out back.
Fortunately, there was no head to traumatize Jolee (or me, for that
matter) and it was quite delicious.

Jolee A-Chattering (Spring 1999)

Jolee, normally very verbose on the phone when no one is on the other
line, and silent once someone is, has overcome this inconsistency by
discovering the bedroom phone (which now remains unplugged). I actually
had a phone conversation with her yesterday when I was at work. The key
is to be on the cordless phone at the same time so she can't hang up on
you. Next time you give us a call, we'll check it out. . . .the funny
part is that she'll have a conversation with you at a normal tone, then
whisper "bye" when she is done.

NOTE: THIS E-MAIL DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A GUARANTEE THAT JOLEE WILL HAVE A
CONVERSATION WITH YOU WHEN YOU CALL. IN THE EVENT THAT SHE IS NOT HOME
OR ASLEEP, A CONVERSATION WILL NOT BE POSSIBLE. IF SHE IS HOME AND
DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING ON THE PHONE (A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY), HER
PARENTS ARE ABSOLVED OF ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR DAUGHTER'S ACTIONS
(OR INACTION, AS THE CASE MAY BE). NO GUILT, PLEASE.

Reality Check (August 24, 1999)

Hi, this is Jolee. Mommy's in Atlanta, so Daddy was flying solo with Shayna and me last night. He's done it before, but it's been a while, and she's gone 'til Thursday night. I must say, I was impressed. He got us home in one piece, except for a little trauma I suffered when my balloon popped. He made some yummy ravioli, though it couldv'e cooked a little bit longer. But hey, that frozen ravioli is tricky, and I ate more of it than he did, so who am I to complain? Then he strapped Shayna into her Baby Bjorn carrier and gave me my bath. Piece of cake, but I was really going easy on the guy. Then he put Shayna in the playpen and set up her bath in the kitchen. He even invited me to bring my potty out so I could stand on it and watch the bath. Then he got Shayna going, and he was soooo proud of himself, because he was way ahead of schedule, and doing a stellar job. But then, he started getting cocky. He started singing a song about "Superdad" and how he was king of the world and he failed to mention his beautiful, cooperative daughters, and especially me, I mean, I could've made things much more difficult for him. And I started to think, when will I get some credit, and between you and me, I only PRETEND to like his singing voice. Meanwhile, I'm running around naked and he's doing a little dance in the kitchen, and I decide to bring him back down to Earth, he's getting a little carried away. So I pooped on the couch.


Grammy Donna replied:

Dear Jolee,
As long as daddy wasn't dancing around naked and he didn't poop on the
couch! And I agree, he doesn't have a very good voice! Love Grammy


Caryn Quinn replied:

This was too funny...only because I can envision the same thing
happening to Chuck or I someday! In fact, I am spending 10 days here
alone with Cayla before we begin our family trips and I'm afraid I'll go
insane. At least there's only 1 kid so far. Anyway, I hope you make it
till Thursday in one piece, we'll be thinking of you! Keep the updates
coming.

Caryn


Rebecca Murphy Jones replied:

Bill -
Go, Jolee! Serves you right for being cocky.:) I have a great picture of
our girls at their first meeting, Hannah is kissing Shayna and it's really
cute. I'll send it snail mail this week, as I don't have the whole email
photo thing down yet. See you soon -
Rebecca

Jolee at Arirang, celebrating her birthday (August 14, 1999)

Parks & Recreation (April 20, 1999)

Jolee went to the Park on Saturday with Grandma Cyndee. After playing on the swings, Jolee threw up. She proceeded to tell everyone in the park what she did, pointing out where it happened. The birth of a performance artist!

Grandma Diane replied:

Today the park, tomorrow a collective bargaining team...where a timely,
well-placed upchuck is always appreciated....that's my girl!

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses (July 1999)

TOP 10 REASONS FOR THE JOLEE/SHAYNA UPDATE HIATUS.
 
#10    I love saying the word hiatus.
 
#9    In California, In Atlanta, In Procrasti Nation
 
#8    Couldn't find the right sports bra
 
#7    In a Coma induced by Ricky Martin mania
 
#6    Convinced that my computer was hit by the Y2K bug, I couldn't use it.
        Until one of the guys in the computer room hit the power swith on my surge protector.
 
#5    Shayna growing so fast, I couldn't keep up.
 
#4    Jolee talking so fast, I couldn't keep up.
 
#3    Busy planning my run for the NY Senate race.
 
#2    4th of July weekend heat melted my brain.
 
and the #1 REASON FOR THE JOLEE/SHAYNA UPDATE HIATUS
 
#1    Just Plain Lazy!

Jolee on the Wild Side (Spring 1999)

Well, Jolee was with Mom and Dad, Shayna, Grandma Cyndee and her friend Michael, Great-Great Uncle Mel and Aunt Susan, and Great Great Grandparents Harriet and Joe at a local eatery last night. We were waiting for our table and Jolee wanted a drink. I was holding a glass of Bass Ale and, upon approval from various factions, I gave Jolee a taste. She didn't seem to mind it one bit, though, she didn't ask for more. I thought that was a wild enough evening for her, but after some pasta, she proceeded to beat up on a cigarette machine downstairs near the restrooms. Fortunately for all of us, she only had 3 dollars on her and I refused to give her one of my singles.

The Zoo (March 1999)

Jolee went on a field trip to the zoo at Prospect Park the other day. She returned very excited telling us stories about the seals and the fish and the balls and how the seals played with the balls and ate the fish and it was fun.
 
"And what else did you see, Jolee?"
 
"Monkeys!"
 
"Did you see elephants?" I asked, because Jolee told me she was going to see elephants.
 
"No, they were sleeping."
 
"Did you see giraffes?"
 
"No, they were sleeping."
 
"Did you see tigers?"
 
"No, they were sleeping."
 
"Did you see lions?"
 
"No, they were sleeping."
 
"What other animals did you see that weren't sleeping?"
 
"I saw seals and fish and balls and they played and ate the fish and there was monkeys!"
 
So it wasn't the Bronx Zoo.

Jolee helps, sort of (March 1999)

Jolee is being very helpful with her baby sister.
The other day she asked Melanie if she could burp Shayna.
She did a good job, too.
When Melanie asked Jolee to give Shayna back to her,
Jolee refused, saying "NO! My Shayna. Not yours."

Punishment, Jolee-style (February 1999)

Well, we received some beautiful flowers on Friday from Grandma Diane and Papa John, and Goblin immediately decided they would make lovely hors d'oeurves (I'm not checking spelling, so don't nail me on that, I'd say pupus, but then many of you would be like, "Huh, what're pupus?"). So, several times during the day Grandma Cyndee and Jolee had to scare him away every time he went for a little nosh.
When Melanie came home that night, Jolee immediately told Melanie that Goblin was bad, because he kept trying to eat the pretty flowers, and he should go sit in the time-out chair (where Jolee sits when she has a time out). She insisted he do so, but has yet to catch him and put him in the chair.

What Jolee Isn't Doing (March 1999)

Jolee has recently developed a rather odd habit. It started almost a week ago when Jolee ran to the corner of the room, behind Shayna's swing and some large pillows, kneeled on the floor and put her cheek up against a bookcase.
 
"Jolee, what are you doing?" asked Mommy.
 
"I'M NOT POOPING!" yelled Jolee.
 
"What?"
 
"I'M NOT POOPING!"
 
Well, that may be what she saif she was not doing, but certain environmental conditions contradicted this exclamation.
 
Since then, like clockwork, 6 p.m. EST, Jolee is in her little corner, not pooping. Shortly thereafter, we're not changing her pull-up. For those of you who are older Jolee update subscribers, you may be jealous of little Jolee's regularity, or irregularity depending on whether you talk to Jolee. Or not.

A Busy Several Days (April 1, 1999)

Sorry for the lack of updates, but we've been a bIt busy of late.
Melanie stopped by my office last Friday, bringing Shayna into the
city to show her off at work. An amazing thing happened, a sheer
moment of timing and circumstance that makes you wonder about cosmic
forces and how many opportunities can be missed due to the smallest
delays.

On our way to lunch, we just missed an elevator down, and had to wait
a minute for another one.
When that one arrived, we got on and descended, stoppin at the 10th
floor to let some people on. As it turns out, the two people that got
on the elevator worked for a company called B!G (Brilliant Graphics,
an advertising and design firm). One of the people took one look at
Shayna and said, "That's the cutest baby I've ever seen! She'd be
perfect for our Baby Gap print campaign! Can I take a few pictures to
show our client?" Of course, we consented, and the guy pulls out one
of those digital cameras and does a couple of snapshots, takes my
number and says he'll call us ASAP.

Later that day, he called, said the client loved Shayna's look, and
wanted to do a photo shoot in the coming week. Wise man that I am, I
advised the guy that we didn't have any type of representation for
Shayna, and that I would be more comfortable if we had someone taking
care of us. He referred me to a children's agent named Lauren Fox at a
company called Kids & Co., and before we knew it, we had photo
sessions scheduled for Monday and Tuesday of this week.

Everything went spectacularly and without a hitch, so we will let you
know when and where to look for Shayna's ads! Isn't that cool!

Oh, and Jolee, a trooper through all of this, what with all the
attention heaped on her little sister, learned a new phrase: April
Fools!


Caryn Quinn replied:

Bill,
You are good!!! You totally had me fooled. I was ready to send you the
names of the people I know at the Gap HQ in San Francisco in case you
needed anything!!

I guess I should have known. ;-)

Take care,
Caryn

New Mantra (1999)

Well, if Jolee doesn't get her way (i.e. her evil father won't let her stand up in a shopping cart), she will repeat over and over again, for all shoppers to hear, "I'm very, very angry. I'm very, very angry." Once in a while she'll throw in a "I'm very, very sad." or "I'm very, very glad." Such expressions only make me and other shoppers laugh, which of course makes her, very very angry.

Jolee's Favorite Game Show (January 1999)

Jolee's favorite game show is the new Hollywood Squares. Rather coincidental considering her Daddy used to work for the company that produces it. She dances to the opening theme, mimicks the "out of time" signal (doo-dee, doo-dee!) and she loves to talk about the squares. Melanie was with Jolee this past weekend, and a bus drove by with an ad for the show on the side. "Look, Mommy!" Jolee exclaimed, "Woopy Goberg!"

update! (January 1999)

We are proud to announce that we have become an AOL family. For those of you on Juno and other servers who couldn't get through to Melanie, she is now reachable on aol. As am I. Jolee will have her own e-mail account soon, and the Cohen family website is currently under construction. I will continue to use worldnet.att.net for mail but will also be checking in in AOL, especially on weekends and evenings. Put us in your address books:
 
Mellomouth@aol.com                    and         OXYPOET@aol.com
 
Have a great weekend.

Not her father's taste buds (March 1999)

How many 2 1/2 year-olds do you know that like fried calimari?
 
At least one, as Jolee impressed us with her range of tastes last weekend.
 
She only ate the circular pieces however, she wanted nothing to do with the pieces with tentacles, squggling out from the body.


Tracy replied:

The squigglies are the best part! Hehehehe. Actually, I don't like those much either.

Jonathan Ettinger replied:

I have to agree with her. The round pieces are great, but the tentacles are
scary.

Jonathan

In the Pink (January 1999)

On Saturday, we had a visit from friend Stacey, of Houston, Texas. She came out and had some authentic Brooklyn pizza and spent the night. Jolee referred to her, not as Stacey, perhaps due to confusion of our landlord being named Stacey as well, but as "That One". For example, at the drug store, Jolee asks Mommy, "Mommy, where is Daddy and That One?" When trying to explain where Stacey lived, I showed her a map from Melanie's office, pointing to Texas and saying this is where Stacey lives, and here (pointing to New York) is where we live.
 
The next day, as Stacey was preparing to leave, Jolee asked where she is going. Melanie explained that Stacey was going to get on a plane and fly home. "Yeah," Jolee said, "She go to the pink."
What? "Go to the pink! The pink!" Stacey and Melanie didn't understand, until I, came out from the back of the apartment and said, "I think I know what she means."
 
I went to the office and pulled out the map that I had showed Jolee the night before and held it up. Melanie had highlighted Texas and the surrounding region pink. "See," I said, "Texas is pink." Jolee was right. Stacey was going to the Pink. We had a fun time with her out here in Yellow.

A personal message from Jolee (January 1999)

Hello, everyone. Jolee here. I just wanted to wish you all a happy New Year. Daddy would be doing this update but he's busy revising his "New York Winter Myth" theory. In case you didn't know, that was his conspiracy theory that "cold winters" were falsely publicized in an effort to keep warm weather residents from invading New York City during the "Winter" months. The poor guy, he really thought, despite all the warnings against it, that it really didn't get that cold here, like "in the movies."
 
In case you didn't know, last night it dropped to about 16 degrees with the wind chill in the    minus-10 to minus-20 range. He's a big baby. Sure, I cried some too when my face got cold, but I'm not even 2 1/2, what do you expect?
 
Anyway, it's supposed to snow on Saturday, so maybe I'll have fun stories to tell you next week. Everyone have a safe and happy new year! I'm going to play with my new Teletubbies.
 
Love
 
Jolee

3 out of 4 ain't bad (January 1999)

So last night I say to Jolee, "Jolee Pauline . . ."
and she turns around coyly and says "Nekky Co-hen!"
Assuming the Nekky refers to Lineka, I am still, astonished.
"Jolee Pauline...."
"Nekky Co-hen!"
 
I know this may not seem like a big deal, but to hear her stating her name, well half of her name, is quite phenomenal.
 
All's well on the baby front (from the perspective of Jolee cluelessly enjoying her final days as an only child).
 
Stay tuned for pictures!
 
I will send them out in jpeg, if you don't want them, please let me know,....
 
Bill

Some Jolee Tidbits (late December 1998)

Jolee is very concerned about all of the Christmas Trees on the curbs. Every time we pass one, she let's us know: "Tree fall down!"
 
This morning she really wanted to bring Goblin (the cat) in to school for Show and Tell. She settled for Laa-Laa, the Yellow Teletubby.
 
The What Did Jolee do list would like to welcome another member to its ranks. Representing the great country of Canada, welcome Brian Morgante (aka Bill's book friend in Toronto).
 
Have a great weekend!

Not your typical walk to school (December 1998)

Well we had some freezing rain this morning and the trees looked really pretty, but the ground was very slippery. I don't know this for certain, but based on how slowly Daddy was walking, I would guess that much. If anyone wants a funny picture, visualize this:
 
Bill Cohen
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders.
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders, holding an umbrella in his right hand.
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders, holding an umbrella in his right hand, also carrying his briefcase slung over his right shoulder.
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders, holding an umbrella in his right hand, also carrying his briefcase slung over his right shoulder, and Jolee's school bag slung over his left shoulder.
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders, holding an umbrella in his right hand, also carrying his briefcase slung over his right shoulder, Jolee's school bag slung over his left shoulder, and a bag of dry cleaning in his left hand.
Bill Cohen with Jolee on his shoulders, holding an umbrella in his right hand, also carrying his briefcase slung over his right shoulder, Jolee's school bag slung over his left shoulder, and a bag of dry cleaning in his left hand, thinking how many grandmothers would be extremely worried if they could see this hulk making his way over the icy sidewalks and streets on the way to the Bay Ridge Play Place.
 
Incidentally, the Dry Cleaners was closed.

Baby Pool e-mails (November 1998 - January 1999)

update:

Jolee's a bit disappointed so far in the showing for her new sibling's baby pool. We only have five entries so far, the winner receiving a measly $18.75 if the baby were born today (not very likely, don't worry).

An additional note, one entry has listed the new child at well over 9 pounds. Melanie was very unhappy with that choice, for obvious reasons.

update:

Well, someone thought they'd be funny and pick JANUARY 22nd as the due date of the newest Cohen, and we all know what that means.
 
In all fairness, voting ends, you guessed it, January 21st. We have 25 entries, meaning the winner will get $87.50. There are 61 people on the Jolee mailing list, and the 25 entries include people not online, and also includes multiple guesses. This means a lot of you have yet to place your wagers. Well, do so now, before it's too late. Remember, the new baby gets 25% or $37.50, and I really don't know how I'll explain it to him/her when s/he's older. You don't need to send the $5 entry fee right away, don't be intimidated because I work at a collection agency, we just want maximum participation!
 
Call or e-mail us with any questions
 
Bill



pt 2:

Well, at least one of you noticed. Steve Proulx, former Oxy next door neighboor, and now the sole recipient of Jolee updates in Europe, questioned my math skills when alerting all of you to the dwindling timeframe of the Baby Pool: The correct breakdown was, at the time, $93.75 to the winner, $31.25 to the baby. I somehow had incorrectly broken it down into a 70-30 ratio, as opposed to a 75-25 ratio. Oh well. However, Rich Heller has made that moot, by sending in his guess, thus bumping the ante to $97.50/$32.50.



alert!

Uh, those of you who have yet to submit guesses in the baby pool, may want to do so before it's too late.
 
We're not sure what it was, but we went to the hospital last night after Melanie experienced some contractions. Don't worry, your bets are still safe. Oh yeah, and Melanie's okay too. As the hospital security guard declared, "False Alarm!" Given the go-ahead by the doctors, we returned home, shaken not stirred. He who hesitates is lost. No fair buying into the baby pool after Melanie goes into labor. Act now if ye have yet to act!

New York City wildlife (December 1, 1998)

Jolee had several bystanders in stitches, recently, as we observed a couple of rats scurying along the tracks at Brooklyn's 36th Street Station. "Look Daddy, Mouse!" she exclaimed. And when another appeared, "MORE mouse! MORE mouse!"

Grandma Diane replied:

I can't wait for her to see the wild pigs of Pa`auilo! Not to mention the
turkeys, pheasants, owls, and feral others....Great talking with you on
Sunday! Love, Mom

P.S. I just attended a poetry reading by Eric Chock...one of the editors of
Bamboo RIdge...he was fabulous...for Hanukkah, you now have an inscribed
copy of LAST DAYS HERE ..."for Bill in Brooklyn, Aloha to You," which I
will send along with the Ferreira Baby Pool entries.

Hannukah bonus! (December 1998)

So Jolee got her Chanukah presents from Grandpa Leon and Grammy Donna, Aunt Alicia and Uncle Seth last night, and she loved them!
She got a wonderful dreidl and a new baby and baby stroller, and a Free to Be a Family book and CD. She loves the dreidl and adores the baby (though this morning I tried to explain to her that tickling a baby's eyes is not a good thing). There was an additonal gift that came along that the California Cohens unwittingly gave. Along with their gift to Melanie (a watch that she needed and loves), there was an added bonus. The watch came in a nice case and was placed on a tiny little pillow in the case. Jolee thinks this is just the neatest thing, and we literally had to pry it out of her hands last night at bedtime. This morning she came into our bedroom pushing her new baby in the new stroller and had used this watch pillow as a pillow for her new baby. Jolee is having a wonderful Channukkah (yes I spell it differently every time) and wishes everyone a happy holiday season!

remember this? (December 1998)

On November 20, I sent this out:
 
Okay...interactive Jolee list time !!!!
Jolee would like everyone to come up with a top ten list entitled TOP TEN GIFTS JOLEE (OR HER PARENTS) DOES (DO) NOT WANT FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
I will take the best of the best and create a list for all to enjoy. This hopefully will be fun.
 
Need help? Here's a starter. Top 3 Items discouraged:

1. Playskool's Little Biologiocal Warfare Plant
2. Intern Barbie
3. Anatomically Correct John Elway doll

I'm looking forward to all of your creative replies
 
 
Well, that was a month ago, and here is the result, courtesy of Uncle Seth Cohen, Cousin Cathy Cohen, Steve Proulx (Oxy '90), Cousin Natalia Liss Schull, and Tony "the Tiger" Tambascia:
 
10. Chia-Lewinsky
 
9. "F-Timmy the Cat" doll (a la Howard Stern)
 
8.  Love Canal Home Chemistry Set
 
7. Interactive Teletubbies (NOTE: Jolee would love these, Bill and Melanie would go insane)
 
6. A rabid wolverine
 
5. Baby's First Hand Grenade
 
4. G.I. Janet Reno
 
3. Jesse "The Governor" Ventura action figure
 
2. Tickle-Me-Slobodan Milosovic
 
and the #1 thing Jolee and/or her parents do NOT want her to get for the holidays:
 
 
 
 
 
1. Plastic Surgery - The Home Game
 
 
 
Thanks to Tony, who came up with 6 of the Top 10. Sorry Seth, your severed head request was too tasteless to make the list, especially since you're Jolee's Uncle.

Butterflies! (December 1998)

On Saturday, Jolee and her parents went to the American Museum of Natural History and saw the butterfly exhibit, which featured a room filled with floating, fluttering, fantastic butterflies. Jolee had a wonderful time, though she freaked out when a big butterfly alit on Melanie's hand. She didn't want to have anything to do with them after that.
 
We then proceeded to a nice hearty Cuban meal at Le Caridad on Broadway.
 
Jolee also gave her first quarter to a street musician, a woman on the 72nd Street Subway platform, singing and playing guitar.
 
Yesterday, Jolee received a Teletubbies book from Grandma Cyndee. To say she liked it is an understatement. She slept with it and took it to school with her this morning.
 
La-la rules!

What Jolee Wore Today (December 4, 1998)

Jolee wore a summer outfit. It's 4:10 P.M., December 4th, sunny and 73 degrees in New York City. Her father is smiling. It's 62 and rainy in L.A.
Strange indeed.

Jolee's request (December 7, 1998)

Melanie left Sunday morning for Puerto Rico on a four-day business trip. Before she left, she asked Jolee if there was anything she wanted Mommy to bring back for her.
Jolee said, "Piggies."
Needless to say, Jolee is not getting piggies from Puerto Rico.
We hope she will get over her disappointment.

Tracy replied:

I swear I didn't coach Jolee to say that! But my question is . . .why can't she have piggies from Puerto Rico?

Tony replied:

You know, Bill, I've heard about that infamous Puerto Rican pig smuggling
ring, and I'm a bit disappointed to hear that Jolee is involved. In fact,
I think this whole pig business is the only thing holding P.R. back from
statehood! There's still time to save her from a life of crime - but act
now!

Natalia replied:

Maybe Melanie will bring her back "Lechon Asado"!! Check your Puerto
Rican Dictionary. One can find Lechon Asado on a skewer being sold on
the highways of the PR streets during Christmas season. No joke!

Sigh, Sorry Dad, I let you down (October 21, 1998)

Promises made when leaving California, that Jolee would not obtain a New York ac
nt, appear to have been in vain.

Last night, Jolee was playing with a Hot Wheels car she got as a party favor at
ycare. She referred to it as a "core" a la Brooklyn. Despite my efforts to get
herto pronounce it "kahr", she persisted playing with her "core".

Melanie replied:

Wait a minute.
Most children, I have found, do not speak perfect english right away,
and say "core" instead of "Kahr" whether they live in the heart of
Brooklyn or not. Since Bill always says "kahr" and I do as well when
thinking before speaking and can therefore control the accent, I would
like to believe that the local cashiers et al that Jolee comes into
contact with will not leave her sounding like Vinnie Babarino.
I would also like to go on the record (before any accusations are
made) that it was I that noticed her accent and attempted to fix it
right away.
Melanie

P.S. Bill neglected to mention that Jolee started saying "I ov u" (I
love you) last night over and over again. And yes, she was saying it
to each of us and not Goblin the cat.

Cherubim and Seraphim (Oct/Nov 1998)

"What's that Daddy?" asked Jolee, pointing to a holiday merchandising display in a local clothing store.
 
"Those are Angels, Jolee."
 
In typical Jolee-fashion, questioning everything, she disagreed:

"No Angels, Daddy. Birds."

Thank Heavens It wasn't a documentary on dogs. . . .(October 9, 1998)

On Sunday, Jolee and her parents watched a PBS documentary on cats. She enjoyed it thoroughly. Her parents were a bit dismayed when the narrator discussed feline grooming techniques. The television was filled with a close-up of a cat licking its paw and using the paw to "wash" its head. Jolee then, much to her parents surprise, adequately demonstrated the method by licking the back of her hand and rubbing it across her face. Last night, out of the blue, she demonstarted this for her father again. Thank goodness cats normally don't drink out of toilets.

Vibeke replied:

well, my cats drink from toilets regularly. You may want to think about that
thouroughly before you bring Jolee to my house.

xoxo
-Vibeke

Commercials Again (September 29, 1998)

What is more challenging:
passing a camel through the eye of a needle, or
getting Jolee to stop repeating "Pizza! Pizza!" over and over
after a Little Ceasar's commercial?

Tino replied:

Bill,

I didn't know you wrote a poem(s) when you were less than a year old (Ha
Ha, snicker, snicker).

tino


from a co-worker of Melanie's (chestec):

The sign of a good marketing promotion is that the consumer remembers
the ad. Little Ceasars would be thrilled to know that their campaign
is working !!!

Additions to vocabulary (September 29, 1998)

Jolee now says, with too-great frequency, "I wanna."
"I wanna cup. I wanna toy. I wanna go outside."
and then yesterday she said,
"I wanna the Packers to win the Super Bowl."
Well, actually that's what it sounded like. Melanie says it sounded more like
"I wanna the Yankees to win the World Series."

Actually I blame Melanie and the Yankees for teaching Jolee one of her more comm
ly used expressions: "Oh, man!" Or, she is merely overcome by the holiness of th
Jewish High Holidays, and is merely praying, "Ah-men!"


Mikela, a co-worker of Melanie's from Vanity Fair replied:

Dear Bill and Melanie,

I am concerned about the way you are raising your daughter Jolee
amd the subliminal thoughts that are passing through to your unborn
child regarding the Yankees. GO CUBS!!!! It is at this time you need
to teach your kids about the dream team here in Chicago. They are the
fantasy team that Harry is carrying.
Pete and I went to the Wild Card game last night and it was out of
control. I am dying to see who will be in the series. My prediction
is the Yankees and the Cubs.
M.V.P. M.V.P. = Sammy Sosa
BYE!!

A visit from a friend (October 1998)

Saturday night we had a great time as the lovely and talented Tracy Poon Tambascia trained in from Philly and spent the evening watching Jolee do her impression of a whirling dervish.
 
Jolee was a bit confused, mistaking Tracy for Theresa, the Chinese-American lady that Jolee loves so much at the laundromat. Tracy and Theresa really don't look much alike, but apparently Jolee thinks they do, and alternated the names for Tracy throughout the night. When Jolee woke up in the morning, and saw the empty fold-out bed/couch, she did say, "Oh, Tracy gone." We'll just have to wait 'til laundry day and see what she calls Theresa!

Pictures! (October 1998)

Jolee is just a chip off of the old block AND
proof that Jolee does have some Dodger blue in her veins
(though we told her it was a Yankee hat---sorry Grammy Donna, she wouldn't wear it otherwise)

Surprise! (October 1998)

Yesterday, Jolee was running around in her usual way, chasing Goblin, chattering away, when suddenly I noticed what she was saying was actually making sense! She was saying:
"May June July August! May June July August!"
Melanie and I were surprised. We didn't know they were teaching her months in school. Upon further quizzing, I learned that she actually knew March through October, though Apper, Septum and Ockter were still having trouble coming out just right.
What a surprise! We're looking forward to the end of this week, at which point she should know the Periodic Table of Elements. Heck, I even have a hard time saying Americium.

Jolee Cohen's Top Ten Reasons Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series (October 1998)

Jolee Cohen's Top Ten Reasons Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series
 
10. Daddy's favorite team (The Tigers) beat the Padres in 1984, it's only fair that Mommy's favorite team gets a turn.
 
9. "Go Yankees!" is so much easier to say than "Go Padres!"
 
8. The Yankees have a player named Tino, just like Jolee's godfather. The Padres have no such advantage.
 
7. Jolee can't name a single player on the Padres. She can, however, say "Go Bernie Baby!"
 
6. David Wells looks like a Teletubby.
 
5. The Padres renamed their stadium Qualcomm, bowing to the pressures of corporate America, thus tainting the game of baseball and soiling the American dream.
 
4. Saying the name "Hideki Irabu" makes her laugh.
 
3. She has a cousin named David Cohen, which is so similar to Yankee pitcher David Cone, that it must mean something.
 
2. Yankee ends with a double "e", just like Jolee.
 
and the number 1 Reason Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series:
 
1. If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.

Letter from the MTA (September 24, 1998)

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cohen,
 
We here at the New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority  take pride in the service we provide to our customers. Therefore, it concerns us when we hear of alleged misconduct by passengers on one of our buses or trains. That is why we are writing this letter.
 
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, our investigators have learned that on September 23, 1998, at approximately 7:00 P.M., a minor, in your care, by the name of Jolee Pauline Lineka Cohen, caused a public disturbance on the uptown 3 train on Manhattan's Upper West Side.
 
Reports of the incident are that your daughter, Jolee, who we understand is very cute, caused severe discomfort to other passengers on the crowded train, by raising her voice to levels that, one witness reported, "eclipsed the noise of a Marilyn Manson concert during an electrical storm." It was even confirmed by our conductor that, when Jolee exited the train at 72nd Street, "one woman applauded" and the other passengers "were visibly relieved to see her go."
 
Whereas we at the MTA appreciate that you exhibited concern over this incident, as was evident in our preliminary phone conversation with you earlier this morning, we do take exception to some of the so-called "excuses" you provided our investigator.
 
Firstly, we checked with the Bay Ridge Play Place, and there is no such Halloween production in which your daughter is involved. Therefore, your claim that Jolee was "rehearsing for the role of the Screaming Banshee in the school play," to our office seems preposterous.
 
Secondly, we have checked with our personnel of the Jewish persuasion, and have even consulted with an esteemed rabbi. All of these individuals claim there is no reference in the Old Testament of the prophet Elijah saying anything along the lines of "Oh, Israelites, Yahweh demands on the second day after the New Year commenceth that ye shall send a small girlchild into the streets to welcome in the new year in the loudest voice imaginable." Nice try, Mr. Cohen, but we dismiss such blasphemous claims as a father merely trying to protect his child.
 
Lastly, the claim that Jolee was merely screaming about the hordes of rats in the subway car is unsubstantiated, uncorroborated by dozens of witnesses, and simply untrue. Rats seldom inhabit crowded running subway cars.
 
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, we have no choice but to advise you that a photograph of your daughter is being distributed among the city's hundreds of token-booth attendants, and any future attempt by her to board one of our trains and/or buses will result in a serious fine, and the extension of the ban to other members of your family.
 
Thank you for your cooperation  in this matter.
 
Sincerely,
 
 
Alfonse Guliani, President
New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority


Chrys Keithan replied:

Just to let you know that in April, Ryan too will be a big sisiter. At the
doctors appt last night we heard the heartbeat and I am safely out of the
first trimester. Tell Jolee to tell those mean people at the MTA that she was
merely shouting with joy for her friend in Seattle.

How is Melanie's pregnancy progressing?

Take care,
Chrys


Rob Cunningham replied:

Bill,

Sounds like your pride and joy takes after her mom.

[Hurricane] Georges Confuses Jolee (September 1998)

So last night the news comes on and it's a live shot of South Florida, wild winds and driving rain. Jolee sees this, looks out the window into the clear night at the Verrazano Bridge twinkling brightly in the distance, and wearing the most puzzled expression, asks Melanie and me, "No rain?"
 
Have a safe and happy weekend, especially Granddaddy Barry and Cousin Natalia in South Florida (and all the non-listed Lisses too!)

Miscellaneous Jolee (September 1998)

GROWING UP IN BROOKLYN
 
Jolee is not interested in eating, so she decides to climb under the table and play with Melanie's, Grandma Cyndee's, and my feet. "Jolee," we ask, "Don't you want some meat?" Jolee replies:
 
"Meat this!"
 
Further investigation has determined this phraseology was entirely coincidental, and she has not replied in this fashion since.
 
**
Jolee's vocabulary was enriched recently while observing a verbal altercation on the street below. Since she basically repeats anything you ask her to, this news should not be surprising.
**
Additional favorite things of Jolee to say:
 
You talkin' to me?
I'm walking here!
Luke, use the force!
 
*****
Jolee is pumpkin-crazy. Everything is pumpkins, pumpkins, pumpkins. She plays incessantly with our pumpkin decals on the windows. As a spectator at Saturday's "Ragamuffin Parade", Jolee saw a range of various costumes, the most popular being a witch. Or, as Jolee said, repeatedly, "More witch!" She's definitely going to have fun with Halloween this year and, no, she won't be a Green Bay Packer cheerleader. And, sadly, the Kenneth Starr costume doesn't fit her yet.
 

Ok, who taught her this? (September 1998)

Grandma Cyndee reports:
 
A commercial airs for Guinness Book of World Records, featuring a man eating worms. Jolee sees this disgusting culinary act and responds accordingly: "EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww!"

The future Miss America (September 21, 1998)

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM JOLEE AND HER PARENTS!
 
On Saturday, Jolee spent a good part of the evening enjoying the Miss America pageant. She was very excited by the competition. When Melanie asked her if she wanted to be Miss America someday, Jolee yelled "Yeah!". When she was then asked what her platform would be, Jolee replied, "Buuurrrrrrrp!"
 
Jolee was particularly fond of those competitors who were skilled in the fine art of tap dancing. Alas, the show ran late, and Jolee missed the conclusion. Congratulations Miss Virginia!

Courtesy (September 1998)

Jolee and I went to the bank. A gentleman held the door to the vestibule open for us and we walked in. Jolee said "Thank you" to the man as he walked away. He did not hear her. She repeated it, louder. He walked further away. Jolee said it again, louder, upset that her courteousness was not being acknowledged by this stranger. He walked further away. She repeated it again. And again. Several minutes later, she stopped.

Bert, Solo (September 1998)

Grandma Cyndee was wearing a Sesame Street t-shirt that featured the muppet Bert, without Ernie. Several times over the course of the evening, Jolee looked to one side of Grandma, then to the other side, and then at Grandma's back. She then looked up at her and said "Ernie bye-bye".

How Jolee Saved My Life (September 1998)

While walking with Jolee to daycare, she yelled from my shoulders,
"Daddy stop!" I stopped.
"What, Jolee, what's wrong?"
"Bug!" she said.
Sure enough, on the wall of Prima Pasta was a huge fly.
"Yup, that's a bug all right, " I agreed.
The fly flew away, heading toward us, then veering off to the right.
"NO! Back bug! Back!" she yelled with her arm outstretched.
Sure enough, the fly left us alone, thanks to Jolee, no doubt.

On Monday, Jolee graduates to the next room. So she's going from being
the boss to the bottom of a new pecking order. Her boyfriend Kevin is
already there, so we don't anticipate any major adjustment problems.

Have a great weekend!

Jolee Labor Day Special (September, 1998)

For those of you on a Jolee withdrawal (especially those of you in Texas), here's a plethora of JPLC anecdotes:
 
'Tis ragweed season in the Northeast, and those of you who know me, know I sneeze more than the normal person. Jolee, always Miss Manners, was very conscientious last evening during a sneezing fit. Every time I sneezed, she would say "Ess you." or "Ess you, daddy." When Melanie remarked on how she blesses someone every time they sneeze, I attempted a fake "Ehhh-choooo!" Jolee said nothing. You can't pull anything over on her.
 
Jolee was pushing the stroller home from the grocery store yesterday. A stranger walked by and said, "You have license?" Jolee immediately shouted "Yeahhh!"
 
Moments later, Jolee became distressed when a leaf got stuck in the stroller wheels. I extricated the piece of foliage and Jolee immediately started lecturing it. "No, Feaf! No! Back! Feaf!" Imagine Jolee standing proud, one hand on hip, and one arm outstretched, holding off the brutal, threatening leaf on the sidewalk.
 
 Jolee had a fun time Sunday at the laundromat playing with her sidewalk chalk.
 
On Saturday, Jolee had it rough. When Mommy shopped at Lord & Taylor, Jolee and I went up to the Main NY Public Library and looked at all the pree flowers and the big lions. We then headed behind the library to Bryant Park where Jolee grabbed a metal chair, climbed onto it, leaned back.....and fell through the back and headfirst onto the ground. Fortunately, the chair was positioned near the edge of the sidewalk, so she missed most of the concrete. Despite having a large jaw-breaker sized bump on her head, she was okay.
 
Jolee now says "Go 'Ankees" whenever she sees anything remotely resembling a sporting event: a one-inch picture in the newspaper, a baseball card display in the candy strore, tennis players or World Wrestling Federation participants on the TV as we change channels. Football players too. Although I have taught her to say "Go Packers!" it sounds more like "Go Goppers!"
 
Yesterday, we are proud to announce, Jolee ate her first bagel in over a year. Melanie and I were worried about her lack of interest in the food, but shenjoyed them yesterday and even seemed to like the lox! A nice Jewish girl indeed.
 
Anyway, that's all for now! Hopefully this will have satisifed the hunger of all of you starving for Jolee news.
 
 

It's in the Blood (July 16, 1998)

Jolee was born with the Rolling Stones playing in the birthing room, so
it's only appropriate that the first non-Barney/Sesame/Disney song she
learn is "It's Only Rock 'N'Roll".

Admittedly, she has some difficulty still with the "it's only rock and
roll" part, but she's perfect on the "I know" and the "I do" that
surround the chorus.



Grandpa Barry replied:

possibly inherited as her mother attended a rolling stones concert prenataly
in 1969

Jolee's Monologue this Morning (July 27, 1998)

Just to give you an idea of what it's like taking Jolee to daycare in
the morning, this is the conversation I had with her today:

[Walking down the stairs, Jolee sees a painting of a deer in a river]
JOLEE: Bambi.

BILL: That's Bambi allright.

JOLEE: Bye-bye Bambi.

[further down the stairs]

JOLEE: Bitch.

BILL: What?

JOLEE: Bitch, bitch!

[I look behind me, she is pointing to another painting of a beach]

BILL: OH! BEEEECH!

JOLEE: Yeah, bitch!

BILL: Beeeech.

JOLEE: Beesh.

BILL: Close enough.

[I open the door downstairs]

JOLEE: Outside!

BILL: Uh-huh

JOLEE: Clouds

BILL: Big, puffy clouds.

JOLEE: Bag.

[Trash day]

BILL: Yup.

JOLEE: Pree flowers.

BILL: Yeah, pretty flowers.

JOLEE: Pree flowers.

(Note that ALL flowers, even dead ones, are pree flowers)

JOLEE: Bag.

(Jolee is now riding on my shoulders, as we walk from 92nd Street and
turn onto 4th Avenue)

JOLEE: One. Pee. Oh. Essss. Pee.

(Jolee is reading, randomly, characters in the sign for Pr1ma Pasta)

JOLEE: Bus!

(Jolee sees a truck that says "Enjoy Coca-Cola"

JOLEE: Eeeee!

(We walk pass a big mess where the restaurant trash is deposited. It
smells and there is a disgusting melange of refuse on the sidewalk)

JOLEE: Oh gross!

BILL: Yeah, that stinks.

JOLEE: Gross.

(We turn onto 91st Street, and the conversation dwindles, although she
does point out a few "bags" and "bottles" in the trash cans along the
street).

Thus, a typical conversation with Jolee, the verbal one.



Grandpa Leon replied:

Bill:

Good morning. I particularly enjoyed this morning's Jolee-mail because
it brought back so many memories of you, Alicia and Seth as you
discovered the wonders of the spoken language. I think there is no more
exciting time as a parent than watching and listening as a child tries
out sounds, waiting for your response; then soon they become real words,
then phrases, then sentences, then endless monologues.

I see you are enjoying the experience as much as I did with you. Mazel
Tov.

Love,
Dad

Where's the Baby? (August 7, 1998)

If you ask Jolee where the baby is, she points to Melanie's stomach and
says "Baby inside?" Oh, she's so smart! we think, until she points to my
stomach and says "Baby inside daddy?" and then "Baby inside Jolee" when
pointing to her own stomach. Still, unclear of the concept, we believe.

Tino replied:

Bill,

I don't know about you, but if I was a father, I'd prefer that she be
"unclear on the concept." Just a thought.

Tino


Tracy replied:

That's okay. That talk about the birds and the bees will be occurring soon
enough!

Herve Villechaise Lives! (8/27/98)

The other day, we were walking with Jolee down the street. An airplane
passed overhead and she pointed to it and said, excitedly, "The Plane!
The Plane!"

Grandma Diane replied:

Reply "Be a pilot! Be a pilot!" (Travel benefits for Mommy and Daddy!)

OFF to Honolulu tonight for Union meetings after I work at Weight Watchers
subbing for one of the clerks on vacation. School starts on Monday. I
can't believe it. Just spoke to Aunt Lee this morning and all is well in
Maine; they are throwing a giant pajama party (at least 40 people) with a
Maine humorist as DJ...sounds FUN. More soon....Love, Mom

General Update (August 14, 1998)

On the eve of her 2nd birthday (can it possibly be?),
Jolee weighs in at 29 pounds, 8 ounces and is a staggering 2 foot 10
inches tall (34 inches).

She is just starting to work heavy weights (trying to lift Goblin, a
fact he is not too thrilled with) and last night, ate 2 burritos.

Tomorrow she's having a birthday party at daycare. We're sending her
with one of those "fling" cameras, so hopefully next week we'll have
pictures.

Carla from Melanie's work replied:

I'm sorry its taken me so long to respond to you. My computer was
being repaired--( we think in Mongolia) and I wasn't able to pick up
CC Mail for about 2 weeks. But what a wonderful surprise I got !!! I
love the Jolee chronicles. I must tell you Bill that you're a
wonderful writer, and these stories will be cherished by you and
Melanie for years. I'm sure Jolee will get a kick out of reading them
when she gets older too. Thank you for letting me be a part of Jolee's
world. It's a wonderful place !!
Carla

oh, and one more.... (July 1998)

self-explanatory

Signs that your child watches too much TV (July 1998)

Jolee, while watching a commercial on tv, heard the ad jingle "Shop
right and always save" and chimed in with "save" before the commercial
did.

Jolee's favorite TV show SESAME STREET is holding on to a narrow lead
over THE SIMPSONS. At the end of the show, when they present the Gracie
Films logo and the accompanying "Shhh!" sound (the logo features a
perosn shushing someone in the back of a darkened theatre), Jolee puts a
finger to her lips and shhhhhhs! everyone in the room.

Jolee's home today. She has had pink eye, a touch of croup, and a bit of
bronchitis (in that order) and a few days apart, thus necessitating
three separate trips to the doctor. She's still her fun self and is home
today, practicing the chorus of "It's Only Rock N Roll" by the Rolling
Stones.
She is very good at this.

So good, I have taught her to howl along with Warren Zevon in the song
"Werewolves of London"

Yo-Yo Tricks (July 1998)

Melanie returned from Atlanta last week with all sorts of Vanity Fair
promotional items, including a VF yo-yo. I instantly showed Jolee how a
yo-yo works, much to her delight. Jolee, however, prefers to drag the
yo-yo around the house, pulling it by it's string like a dog on a leash,
while constantly turning and waving the yo-yo on, saying, "C'mom Yo-Yo,
c'mon!" An instant variation of the difficult "walking the dog" trick.

Just Like In The Movies (July 1998)

Caught at the drugstore during a freak thunderstorm, Jolee and I waited
until the rain more oress stopped. Once it did, I carried her out to the
curbside, where a passing car and an official New York City pothole
collaborated in a perfect example of "Splash the Pedestrian". It took
several minutes to finally stop laughing.

Daddy and Jolee Walk to Dunkin Donuts with Elmo (July 1998)

Last night Jolee and I were joined by Jolee's friend Elmo on our way to
Dunkin' Donuts. Elmo "walks" as Jolee holds him up. Poor Elmo cannot see
where he is going, however, as Jolee holds him by his bulging eyeballs.

Florida Pictures (June 1998)

Enclosed are 4 pictures:

#1----Jolee dances with the Bride, cousin Natalia

#2----Jolee models a Hawaiian dress, courtesy of Great Grandma Harriett
in West Palm Beach

#3----Winnie the Pooh unwittingly breaks Jolee's comfort bubble as
Melanie laughs

#4----Jolee and cousin Sarah Bloch were inseparable at the Morning
after Brunch at the Biltmore

In case you didn't know .. . . . .. (July 21, 1998)

As of February 1999, the What Did Jolee Do? updates will come to an end.
For those of you who rely heavily on your daily Jolee fix, do not
despair! The feature will be replaced by an appropriately-named update
once we know whether the new baby is a boy or a girl. We'll keep you
posted.

Sincerely,

Bill and Melanie

p.s. For those of you who already knew, it's not a secret anymore.

Lanya Shapiro replied:

Congratulations! I was wondering when the next installment was due...

Lots of love to all of you, Lanya

Alicia Sewell replied:

Bill & Melanie-
What great news!!!

I did not know, but that is really really great. I still cant believe you
have ONE! Two is unbelievable! Good luck on the rognancy and keep me
posted.

Congratulations again!

Alicia

A brief Jolee-ism (August 15, 1998)

Jolee, when not in the mood to be tickled, or if someone is in her way,
simply, holds out a hand, and says, "No! (dramatic pause) Back!"



Chris Konzelman replied:

Bill -

Has she learned to use the cross and garlic, too?

- Chris

Grandma Diane replied:

Excellent, Jolee! Will work very well with aggressive animals at
Pihanakalani, as well as in all other areas of life--Be sure she learns all
these words in Hawaiian, too, before the next trip to Hawaii-Nei. Grandma
Diane is impressed with her time management skills already!

Jolee 1, Goblin 0 (June 1998)

Jolee was on the balcony with Grandma Cyndee last night and she saw
Goblin sitting in her room. She waved him on and said "'mon kitty cat,
'mon." (She was telling him to c'mon).

Goblin, wary of Jolee, approached the balcony. Jolee, realizing she now
would have to share the balcony with Goblin, stuck out her hand and said
"No kitty cat! NO!"

Goblin still hasn't figured her out.

Pay phones (May 1998)

Jolee now must stop at every payphone on the street and talk to her
imaginary friend(s). Hopefully, there are pigeons nearby to distract her
away from these public communication devices.

Florida, Headbanging, and the Iguana Lady (May1998)

Welcome back to the What Did Jolee Do update!

Well, it has been an exciting two weeks and I don't want to bore you
with lengthy details about our trip to Florida, so I will give you the
abridged versions, day-to-day.

SATURDAY MAY 23
Jolee travels well to Pittsburgh, runs around airport, boards plane to
Miami, sleeps entire flight, wakes up, pukes on Mommy, enjoys the exotic
birds in the aviaries at the Biltmore in Coral Gables.

SUNDAY MAY 24
Parrot Jungle with cousin Sarah and related grown-ups! The petting zoo
is the high point after a grumpy, nap-interupted start. Late afternoon
nap, sleeps through cousin Natalia's wedding ceremony, which is
fortunate since the mean rabbi banned Sarah from the room for making a
little too much noise. Wakes up and rages. Commands utter and complete
domination of the dancefloor and Granddaddy Barry's shoulders. Jolee
knew she was in the South when she saw her grandfather catch the garter
at her cousin's wedding. Dragged upstairs after midnight, still in the
dancing mood as Mommy and Daddy collapse.

MONDAY, MAY 25

Brunch with Sarah, now her best friend, at the Biltmore. Many goodbyes.
Drive to Orlando. Throws up in the back seat of the rental car in the
middle of nowhere. Arrives at Disney's Carribean Beach resort (in Walt
Disney World). Travels by bus to Epcot. Cries hysterically during
fireworks show. Sleeps well.

TUESDAY, MAY 26 The day that would not end. On the way to a health food
store, stop at IHOP. Throws up unexpectedly. Proceeds to devour
breakfast. Mommy and Daddy pick up some ginger/mint drops at the health
food store. This, mixed in with her juice, combats motion sickness (it
works!). On to the Magic Kingdom! Who would have guessed it would have
been so hot in Florida? Cries on Carousel, then cries every time we walk
by it and don't let her ride again. Typical love/hate relationship.
Loves the Lion King show. Enjoys Small World ride despite close
proximity of Europeans in front of us who have chosen not to bathe in
several days.
Sleeps through trainride around the Magic Kingdom. Has dinner with Pooh,
Tigger and Eeyore. Prefers they remain within sight, but not close
enough where they may can touch her. Cries at Winnie the Pooh and then
chases him all over the restaurant. Fireworks start outside. Jolee
doesn't seem to care WHERE they are, aslong as she can hear them, she's
scared. Sleeps VERY VERY well.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 27 Drive to West Palm Beach and stay with Great Grandma
Harriet and Great Grandpa Joe. Run around a lot. Play with cousins
Andrea and Alana who come over for dinner with Great Aunt Barbara.

THURSDAY, MAY 28 Go swimming with Daddy. Go falling by self, hitting
head on the pavement surrounding pool. This is clearly my daughter.
Within seconds, she is over it, but the rain starts and we leave. Go to
dinner with cousins, great aunt, and great grandparents at Chili's.
Thoughtful parents order her chicken strips and french fries. Jolee
redistibutes Daddy's rice between her stomach and the floor. Fun at the
cousins' place.

FRIDAY, MAY 29
Return to New York. Survives the plane but throws up in the cab on the
way home in rush-hour traffic. Home sweet home.

Of course, I was in San Francisco from May 30th through June 4th, so I
missed all of the other great Jolee moments. She did pull another flying
face-meets-sidewalk maneuver yesterday. Again, the sidewalk won.

On Saturday, we went with Melanie's friend Diane to the Central Park Zoo
where Jolee fed a cow, watched penguins, and ogled a polar bear. After
which she ran around FAO Schwartz and we somehow managed to leave
without buying her anything. She did like "The Iguana Lady, " one of the
city's finer characters outside the toy store with her three
vest-outfitted lizards.

So that should be enough Jolee fix to make up for the last two weeks. We
are again planning to head to the Today Show on Father's Day, a week
from Sunday. Stay tuned for more developments......


from Rebecca:

Hey Bill-
It was great to see you last week--but I am sure little Jolee is happy to have
her daddy at home! Tell that little girl to be careful--no more face hitting
the sidewalk until she gets to college!
Love,
Rebecca

This could get expensive.....(May 13, 1998)

The next time you get a phone call and someone hangs up on you after you
say "Hello," it could be Jolee.

Recently, the phone rang at our home and Granddaddy Barry in Florida
asked me, "Did my granddaughter just call and hang up on me?" It turns
out she did. Minutes before, we had confiscated the phone from her (one
of many times, I'm sure) after we heard the tell-tale signs of buttons
being pushed. I am proud to say that Jolee also had an extended
conversation with Grammy Donna, Grandpa Leon, and Aunt Alicia on Sunday.
She is definitely making up for all those times we hand her the phone
and say "Want to talk to ______?" To which she usually replied "No!".


from Steve Proulx:

Hi Bill,

Be sure to teach her that she has to dial 011 then the Country Code if
she wants to dial internationally.

Also I think there's a good Kinder-chat-line for her at 1-900-talk-baby
$2.95/min + $5.00 connect fee.

She'll need to learn your Credit card number next.

Keep up the good work!

Steve


From Grandpa Barry:

To be accurate I said that I thought Jolee had called and you or melanie hung
up...she was chatting/gabbering with me....and her "cruel" parents took the
phone away from her while her grandfather was still qvelling from his 1st
phone call from her.....

Jolee Cohen, Master Seamstress (May 1998)

Well, perhaps she was a bit misguided. Jolee noticed that the top button
was missing on a chambray shirt I was wearing and, instead of having to
watch me suffer trying to sew a new button on, she took care of
everything for me.

I was carrying her back from daycare on my shoulders, a location she is
particularly fond of. When we reached our building, Jolee did one of her
famous daddydiving lunges (basically she disembarks from my shoulders
whether I'm ready for her to do so or not). This time, however, Jolee
skillfully maneuvered her left heel into my shirt breast pocket as I
lowered her to earth. A loud ripping noise was heard and I stood there
looking down at the pocket dangling by a few threads from my shirt.

Need a button sewed back on, Dad? No problem. Here, buy a new shirt.

Jolee Miscelleny (May 1998)

Some observations of Jolee:

This week Jolee learned how to eat corn-on-the-cob (Pictures next month)

When Jolee runs naked to the bath, she modestly (or immodestly,
depending how you look at it) covers her behind with her hands

Jolee and Melanie were sitting on the couch. I was in the kitchen,
Melanie called, "Bill, please bring me the phone!". Jolee handed Melanie
the VCR remote control and said "Here!"

Jolee is about 40% Alphabet song proficient.

Last night at the laundromat, Jolee was antsy, so we gave her a Chinese
menu and a pen while I helped Melanie fold the laundry. Moments later we
looked down and Jolee had dropped the menu. However, she had not dropped
the pen and had scribbled artistically all over her knees and calves.

The next Jolee update will occur June 8th with lots of details from our
trip to Florida next week.

Have a happy and safe Memorial Day Weekend

Prospect Park, Part 2 (May 1998)

Once there was a slide. Lots of big kids played on it. Jolee wanted to
play too. Nothing could stop her. Not even when she grabbed the bar
above the slide, swung out of her father's reach and let go, landing a
foot down the slide, banging her head and shooting down to the ground,
fast, and landing at the feet of Melanie and Kate who watched wide-eyed
at poor Jolee, lying on her back on the playground. Before Melanie could
bend down to pick her up, Jolee was up and running back to the slide, as
if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. (If you look at both her
parents' records as children, well, nothing out of the ordinary HAD
happened).

Later, Jolee won a battle of wills as she sat at the top of the slide as
a girl much older than her tried climbing up the slide. The standoff
lasted for a good thirty seconds, the older girl staring Jolee down as
my little angel sat at the top of the slide and pointed at her, saying
"No! Down! NO!" Finally, the little girl's mother rescued her and Jolee
descended, triumphant.

Stay tuned for pictures!


from Chris:

5/19/98

Bill -

I'm taking time I don't have (all right, I always say things like that);
I didn't get my portfolio done on time, and my interview (really the last
chance) is Thursday. Yes, I'm taking the day off to work on it. But I
had to write.

I enjoyed your postings tremendously, not least of which was that I can
visualize so much of the places you describe. Jolee must be having the
royal experience these days.

I don't know if I've told you this in so many words, but one of the
things I have appreciated so much since visiting you has been the fact
that I can now powerfully connect to any references to or depictions of
New York in TV, film, literature, music, news, etc. It's been amazing to
me, and I am constantly grateful to you and Melanie for that. (I'm sure
you can understand, just for example, how useful this has been to me in
my job.) Your letters today had me seeing the Railway, the Sound,
Prospect Park, etc., and I was right there with you.

Just a question -- and PLEASE don't tell Melanie that I'm remotely
questioning New York geography -- but why did you have to start at Penn
Station to get on the LIRR? Isn't Penn in Manhattan? Don't all the LIRR
lines link up at the main junction in Brooklyn? Help me understand!

Another thing you may be interested in thinking about. Have you seen the
commercials for Kodak (or whatever film company it is) where people have
problems with their irreplaceable pictures being developed and they
scream out in agony? There's the one where the old woman has always
wanted to get a picture of herself in front of the Eifel Tower, and when
she finally goes there, the picture comes back with her head cut in half.
Anyway, I'm almost certain that commercial was shot in Bay Ridge or very
close by. The establishing shot looks EXACTLY like that old commercial
street a block away from your apartment (very atmospheric, you know,
which is why all those parades are run there, I'm sure), and I'm
convinced that's the Narrows Bridge in the background. Let me know what
you all think.

Enjoy all your travels. And start saving up -- Jolee may want her own
boat soon!

Affectionately yours (I've always wanted to say that),

Chris

Oops! Jolee's Last Update Revised (May 1998)

Melanie, from Boston, writes:

"Correction: [Jolee] did not cry when she ran from the lip of the pool.
She showed little emotion other than surpsire. Additionally, it sounds
more like "Arrarr" when Jolee says "Arrigato!""

Weather permitting, Jolee, Melanie, and I will be outside the Today show
studios bright and early Sunday morning to celebrate Mother's Day! Check
your local listings and tune in to NBC. Last year, Melanie, Jolee, and
Grandma Cyndee made their network television debut in the exact same
situation. Jolee even got a brief, but beautiful closeup.

Latest Pictures (May 1998)

Enclosed are 2 pictures, the picture of Jolee was from this past weekend
in Miami at Great-Grandma Sadie's, and the second picture is evidence of
Jolee and Cy climbing into the cat carriers at Vibeke's.

Swimming......Ow!......Arigato! (May 5, 1998)

Jolee was sitting on the lip of the pool at her Great Grandma's house
over the weekend in Miami. Then, she got brave, and sat on the first
step. Then, she tried the second step. She was now up to her chest in
the water. Then, she tried the third step. This resulted in her complete
submersion in the pool. Melanie, anticipating this discovery by Jolee,
lifted her instantly from the pool, soaked and sputtering. She ran away
crying, but only for a few moments, when she returned to the pool to
re-enter the water. Either she loves water or has a very short memory.

Yesterday at the drug store, Jolee was sitting in the shopping cart,
when she tried out her new "thing," as Melanie calls it. "Ow!" said
Jolee. "Ow! Ow! Ow!" over and over. Oh, brother. People stared. She just
sat there saying "Ow!" repeatedly. One of what I'm sure will be many
attempts to embarass me.

Another weekend item of note. Finally, on cue, at a Japanese restaurant,
Jolee bowed and said "Arigato" to the waitress and the sushi guy. Well,
she doesn't articulate "arigato" quite so well. It comes out as
"Agga-dagga" or something like that, but the point is made. We started
teaching her this during the Nagano Olympics back in February. It goes
without saying that the staff at the restaurant, I hear, were very
impressed.


Reply from Rebecca:

Hi Bill!
Jolee sounds like such a smart, precocius girl--you must be so proud! Too bad
you can't vacation with them in Florida--although I am sure you are enjoying
the extra sleep!

but, there is big news on the Kendig front----Jamie got engaged and I got into
the doctoral program at Tulane!!!!!!! So, if all goes according to plan, Jamie
will get married in 3/99 and I will start school this August. Pass on the
news to Smell and tell her to call me sometime!

Love, Rebecca

Reply from Melanie:

Correction: your daughter did not cry when she ran from the lip of the
pool. She showed little emotion other than suprise. Additionally, it
sounds more like "Arrarr" when Jolee says "Arrigato"!
I miss you! -Melanie

Jolee Airborne (May 1998)

No, it's not what you're thinking. And by the time you read this, she'll
be grounded. This morning, I sent Melanie and Jolee off for a weekend
trip to Miami to see her Grandpa Barry and Great Grandma Sadie and Great
Grandpa Bob, plus Jesse, Gloria, Joey and Natalia Liss. I'll have
complete updates next week about the trip. Meanwhile, I stay in NYC, get
the carpets cleaned, dust the floors with an anti-mite excrement and
other allergen powder, and hopefully nip this allergy thing of Jolee's
in the bud.

Everyone have a safe and relaxing weekend.

PS....if you did NOT receive the picture of Jolee and Trillian, because
your system won't allow it, please let me know. I will try and scan and
send a new picture every few weeks or so.

Jolee and Trillian (e-mailed April 1998)

Jolee and Cy and Cg Take Manhattan (April 1998)

On Saturday, Jolee attended Melanie's 10th high school reunion and had
quite a blast. The day was made more exciting with the attendance of
Ying Lam, Melanie's old classmate, and her two boys Cy (pronounced Kai)
and Cg (pronounced Seej). For those of you not aware of the origins of
Jolee lore, in late December 1995, Ying brought the infant Cy to
Melanie's workplace at the Sesame Street store in West L.A. His overall
cuteness that day is credited with Melanie and my sudden change of heart
as to when we would start a family. Eight months later, Jolee arrived.

Thus, it was quite fun to see the two partners-in-crime running around
the massive expanse of the Columbia Prep & Grammar School gymnasium.

The high point of the day came later when the three adults and the three
toddlers all crammed into a taxi to trek from West to East Manhattan.
You would think the front seat of a New York City cab would not be the
safest place in the world, but imagine, Melanie and Ying in the back
seat with Jolee, Cy, and Cg on their laps. I was thankful for the ten
minutes of relaxation. Relaxation I clearly needed when the cab stopped
and popped the trunk, and the crazed woman in the car behind us made
inappropriate gestures and hollered things about my parents that I won't
repeat here. (I think I did set the 2-stroller and a backpack trunk
removal record for 1998).

If I had notions of the day winding down, I was sadly mistaken. We
rolled up to an apartment building and through the tranquil lobby and up
the elevator to Mel and Ying's friend Vibeke's (pronounced Vee-buh-kuh)
apartment, where in a matter of seconds, a quiet evening of six young
adults drinking wine, was transformed into a chaotic scene of Monty
Pythonesque proportions. Take three young children, add two large cats,
and a small apartment, and the result is melee. The cats were
immediately chased wildly about by the kids yelling 'CAT CAT CAT" over
and over.

In the end, no one was hurt, nothing was broken and fun was had by all.
Vibeke learned that her apartment is not child-proof and that her cats
have a high tolerance for harassment. Other friends Alicia and Josh
learned that it will be a long time before they invite three young
feline terrorists to their home. Vibeke's brother Robert and his lovely
newlywed wife (whose name I have forgotten, I apologize) learned that
it's okay to wait a while before deciding to start a family. Melanie and
Ying learned that it's fun to be able to watch your children wreck havoc
in someone else's space, as long as that person doesn't mind (Vibeke was
a gracious host---and welcome to the What did Jolee Do? mailing list
Vibeke!) And I learned that as exhausting as it may have been (hint: I
spent all of Sunday, in bed, recovering), it was worth it to see Cy
struggling to crawl into a cat carrier as Jolee used his back as a
step-stool to help her into the cat carrier stacked on top of the other.
What the cats thought of this spectacle, as they perched on top of a
bookcase, which Cg kept trying to climb, is another story all together.

Hot Hot Hot (April 1998)

On the Subway, we sat down underneath an advertisement for the NY

Culinary Institute, which depicts a chef holding a flaming griddle.

Jolee saw this ad, pointed to it, said "Hot!" and tried blowing on it

from her stroller. At least she's careful.

Just call me the human diaper . . .(April 9, 1998)

Jolee calls the moon, "Mo!".
She also clearly doesn't like her temperature taken the old-fashioned
way. Yesterday, I stayed home with her because she had a fever, and we
went to a different doctor's office where a lady did a thermal reading
from Jolee's posterior. Jolee screamed. And then she screamed some more.
As I was the one holding her up, this was unpleasant (albeit, much less
pleasant for her, I'm sure). But then, Jolee, not one to hide her
emotions, let it all out and peed all over me. Ah, fatherhood. Funny,
though, the nurse thought the whole thing was rather amusing. Jolee is
all better now. We believe she was just teething something fierce.


Tino replied:

Hey Bill,

How come this Jolee update didn't have a "Bodily function" warning. Just
wondering.

Tino

and Caryn wrote:

Bill,

Pretty funny stuff, but you didn't warn us this time that there would be
various types of projectiles going on. I think I would have waited to read
it until after I ate my bagel! Oh well, glad Jolee's feeling better!

That's exciting stuff about being poet of the month. I remember many times
in Pauley when you would come read me your new piece of work. Sometimes I
really miss those days!! Congratulations and keep the stories coming.

Happy Pesach, (I'm sure there will be some good Afikomen stories on
Monday)
Caryn

If Only We Had Videotaped It (March 24, 1998)

WARNING: GRAPHIC BODILY FUNCTION DESCRIBED AHEAD. DELETE THIS MESSAGE
NOW IF YOU ARE EASILY "GROSSED OUT"

Last night as we were finishing a delicious dinner of Chinese food,
our darling daughter Jolee sneezed (she's got a little cold). What's so
special about her sneezing? Well, let's just say (and I think her
Uncle Seth will be most appreciative of this, but Seth, please don't try
this at home), let's just say that Jolee's sneeze was so magnificent, that
a previously-ingested lo mein noodle, approximately two inches long,
came out of her nose. (REMEMBER, I WARNED YOU)

A few minutes later, while Melanie was on the phone relating this
story to Godmother Brenda in Buffalo, Jolee repeated the feat with another
sneeze, though this time with a smaller noodle.

Uncle Seth replied:

"it works both ways, if you put a noodle in your nose (ala Alicia)
not necessarily all the way
and sniff real hard, it comes out your mouth
Seth"

Tribute to Trillian (April 1998)

Last night was a very sad one for our family. Our cat, Trillian,
seemingly out of nowhere appeared very sick. I took her to an emergency
veterinary clinic and she was diagnosed with having a chronic kidney
condition. Our options were either for a series of agressive intravenous
treatments that would prolong her life from a week to a month, or to
have her put to sleep. We chose the latter.

We've had Trillian for almost 9 years. Melanie found him shortly after I
graduated from Occidental outside of the campus library. We decided to
name her after the character Trillian, a space nymphette, in the
cult-classic sci-fi series THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY. She has
survived, we figured, 8 moves, and has lived with Tino Ramirez, Rob
"KIT-TAY!!!!!!" Cunningham, and Bryan "Trillian, get out of my room!"
Hanaki. She also bravely rode out the 1994 Northridge earthquake while
living just north of the epicenter in Saugus.

Her pal Goblin, adopted when Trillian was 4, has kept her company and
has absorbed much of the attention of Jolee, much to Trillian's relief.

Trillian was the first to approach Jolee on the day we brought her home
from the hospital, and has remained aloof, but had grown to tolerate our
daughter who is cat-crazy (as Goblin would attest). Trillian of late has
been coming into Jolee's room every morning and meowing good morning to
us which always delighted Jolee to no end.

It is easy to forget in today's world what simple pleasures we take for
granted that animals can give us. Trillian was a presence in our lives
and she will be truly missed. Those of you who have visited our home in
the last nine years know what a sweet cat she was. As a poet, I also owe
her a debt for inspiration. Cats are favorite topics for poets, and
Trillian has played a major part in at least two poems that have been
published in magazines. I have attached one to this message that is not
only inspired by her behavior, but is hauntingly apropos to the
occasion.

Bill


ESCAPE

A dead cricket reclines on its back
as if sunbathing,
while my cat watches intently.
A tabby paw pats it tentatively,
expecting a response, but getting none.
A sniff sniff and a slightly parted mouth
analyze and categorize
as puzzled eyes ask me: what is this?
I do not respond.
I am thinking
about my childhood, and my friend Derek,
from down the block. He would capture
grasshoppers, deposit them in clear plastic
sandwich bags, and hide them in his secret lab:
an ancient basement freezer filled with frozen
meat. The next day, he'd exhume a stiff corpse
out to the blistering mid-west sidewalk
as all the younger kids gathered 'round
and watched him gently stroke the insect's
rigid sides until it stirred and awoke,
sluggish from its cryonic slumber.
The little girls would run screaming
and the boys revered him as a god.
The grasshopper had a story to tell,
a tale of adventure and escape.

The cricket in my living room was not
so lucky. I do not know if my cat
killed it, or if it wandered in to die.
Regardless,the end result is the same:
silence.
A meow,
questioning, retrieves me from childhood
as I enshroud the body
in a Bounty paper towel
and lay it to rest in the garbage.

Every now and then, Death will move me,
even in the tiniest manifestations.
There is no escape from certain epiphanies.


originally published in Atom Mind, July 1997

Passover, pigeons, pussycats, playpens (April 1998)

We had our first Passover Seder together as a family (last year I was in
L.A.) on Friday night. Actually, it was more of a turboseder. Despite
being the youngest one present, Jolee was clearly in charge. She was in
a festive mood, as long as there was a hard-boiled egg on her tray. Once
the egg was consumed, she was like Pharoah, very cranky. This crankiness
succeeded in accelerating the seder at break-neck speed. Once the meal
was served, she calmed down, especially to consume her matzah-stuffing.

Jolee's after-seder activities included trying to help clear the table
of plates, glasses, and utensils. She did find the afikomen (the matzah
hidden like an Easter Egg for the kids to find, usually resulting in
some financial reward) although she wasn't looking for it.

It was a nice seder, and no one got hurt. The rest of the week passed
relatively uneventfully. Jolee chased pigeons in the spirit of the
holidays.

Jolee is getting a bit rough with the cats. Goblin gave her a look
yesterday that would have frozen a dog. Jolee could care less.

We are a bit worried. She was a hair away from climbing out of her
playpen, a fact that is not as disturbing as it is forboding. She may be
scaling her crib next so please, no May Day rapelling kits for our
daughter, thank you.

From Grandma Diane, April 13, 1998:

Thanks for the update...sounds much more amusing than Pesach at the
governor's! Avi was the saving grace, and I got to sit at his table. Our
leader (as in head of state) welcomed the group by saying he had to leave
for a Korean Festival, then proceeded to heartily invite all the keikis to
the Easter Egg Roll on the Washington Place lawn...open mouth, insert foot!
Which wouldn't have been too bad, if he had mentioned it in passing...but
he went on and on about it...oblivious to pained expressions in the
audience of 200+.... Avi just rolled his eyes. I gave him the article about
you in the Iolani Bulletin.

Aunt Lee is so excited to host you and Mel over the 4th of July with a big
birthday party...should be super fun...just spoke with her this a.m.....I
will be in NEW ORLEANS, I think...unable to get away if the union is
footing the bill...but at least I'd be closer than Hawaii....

It has been so cold at the ranch....we use three quilts every night (max
before was two!) and have fires going in both fireplaces every night....

More soon...trying to get out of the office a little earlier. Love, Mom