Letter from the MTA (September 24, 1998)
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cohen,
We here at the New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority take pride in the service we provide to our customers. Therefore, it concerns us when we hear of alleged misconduct by passengers on one of our buses or trains. That is why we are writing this letter.
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, our investigators have learned that on September 23, 1998, at approximately 7:00 P.M., a minor, in your care, by the name of Jolee Pauline Lineka Cohen, caused a public disturbance on the uptown 3 train on Manhattan's Upper West Side.
Reports of the incident are that your daughter, Jolee, who we understand is very cute, caused severe discomfort to other passengers on the crowded train, by raising her voice to levels that, one witness reported, "eclipsed the noise of a Marilyn Manson concert during an electrical storm." It was even confirmed by our conductor that, when Jolee exited the train at 72nd Street, "one woman applauded" and the other passengers "were visibly relieved to see her go."
Whereas we at the MTA appreciate that you exhibited concern over this incident, as was evident in our preliminary phone conversation with you earlier this morning, we do take exception to some of the so-called "excuses" you provided our investigator.
Firstly, we checked with the Bay Ridge Play Place, and there is no such Halloween production in which your daughter is involved. Therefore, your claim that Jolee was "rehearsing for the role of the Screaming Banshee in the school play," to our office seems preposterous.
Secondly, we have checked with our personnel of the Jewish persuasion, and have even consulted with an esteemed rabbi. All of these individuals claim there is no reference in the Old Testament of the prophet Elijah saying anything along the lines of "Oh, Israelites, Yahweh demands on the second day after the New Year commenceth that ye shall send a small girlchild into the streets to welcome in the new year in the loudest voice imaginable." Nice try, Mr. Cohen, but we dismiss such blasphemous claims as a father merely trying to protect his child.
Lastly, the claim that Jolee was merely screaming about the hordes of rats in the subway car is unsubstantiated, uncorroborated by dozens of witnesses, and simply untrue. Rats seldom inhabit crowded running subway cars.
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, we have no choice but to advise you that a photograph of your daughter is being distributed among the city's hundreds of token-booth attendants, and any future attempt by her to board one of our trains and/or buses will result in a serious fine, and the extension of the ban to other members of your family.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
Sincerely,
Alfonse Guliani, President
New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority
Chrys Keithan replied:
Just to let you know that in April, Ryan too will be a big sisiter. At the
doctors appt last night we heard the heartbeat and I am safely out of the
first trimester. Tell Jolee to tell those mean people at the MTA that she was
merely shouting with joy for her friend in Seattle.
How is Melanie's pregnancy progressing?
Take care,
Chrys
Rob Cunningham replied:
Bill,
Sounds like your pride and joy takes after her mom.
We here at the New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority take pride in the service we provide to our customers. Therefore, it concerns us when we hear of alleged misconduct by passengers on one of our buses or trains. That is why we are writing this letter.
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, our investigators have learned that on September 23, 1998, at approximately 7:00 P.M., a minor, in your care, by the name of Jolee Pauline Lineka Cohen, caused a public disturbance on the uptown 3 train on Manhattan's Upper West Side.
Reports of the incident are that your daughter, Jolee, who we understand is very cute, caused severe discomfort to other passengers on the crowded train, by raising her voice to levels that, one witness reported, "eclipsed the noise of a Marilyn Manson concert during an electrical storm." It was even confirmed by our conductor that, when Jolee exited the train at 72nd Street, "one woman applauded" and the other passengers "were visibly relieved to see her go."
Whereas we at the MTA appreciate that you exhibited concern over this incident, as was evident in our preliminary phone conversation with you earlier this morning, we do take exception to some of the so-called "excuses" you provided our investigator.
Firstly, we checked with the Bay Ridge Play Place, and there is no such Halloween production in which your daughter is involved. Therefore, your claim that Jolee was "rehearsing for the role of the Screaming Banshee in the school play," to our office seems preposterous.
Secondly, we have checked with our personnel of the Jewish persuasion, and have even consulted with an esteemed rabbi. All of these individuals claim there is no reference in the Old Testament of the prophet Elijah saying anything along the lines of "Oh, Israelites, Yahweh demands on the second day after the New Year commenceth that ye shall send a small girlchild into the streets to welcome in the new year in the loudest voice imaginable." Nice try, Mr. Cohen, but we dismiss such blasphemous claims as a father merely trying to protect his child.
Lastly, the claim that Jolee was merely screaming about the hordes of rats in the subway car is unsubstantiated, uncorroborated by dozens of witnesses, and simply untrue. Rats seldom inhabit crowded running subway cars.
Mr. and Mrs. Cohen, we have no choice but to advise you that a photograph of your daughter is being distributed among the city's hundreds of token-booth attendants, and any future attempt by her to board one of our trains and/or buses will result in a serious fine, and the extension of the ban to other members of your family.
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
Sincerely,
Alfonse Guliani, President
New York City Metropolitan Transit Authority
Chrys Keithan replied:
Just to let you know that in April, Ryan too will be a big sisiter. At the
doctors appt last night we heard the heartbeat and I am safely out of the
first trimester. Tell Jolee to tell those mean people at the MTA that she was
merely shouting with joy for her friend in Seattle.
How is Melanie's pregnancy progressing?
Take care,
Chrys
Rob Cunningham replied:
Bill,
Sounds like your pride and joy takes after her mom.
posted by Tattoosday at 8:42 AM
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