Jolee Cohen's Top Ten Reasons Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series (October 1998)

Jolee Cohen's Top Ten Reasons Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series
 
10. Daddy's favorite team (The Tigers) beat the Padres in 1984, it's only fair that Mommy's favorite team gets a turn.
 
9. "Go Yankees!" is so much easier to say than "Go Padres!"
 
8. The Yankees have a player named Tino, just like Jolee's godfather. The Padres have no such advantage.
 
7. Jolee can't name a single player on the Padres. She can, however, say "Go Bernie Baby!"
 
6. David Wells looks like a Teletubby.
 
5. The Padres renamed their stadium Qualcomm, bowing to the pressures of corporate America, thus tainting the game of baseball and soiling the American dream.
 
4. Saying the name "Hideki Irabu" makes her laugh.
 
3. She has a cousin named David Cohen, which is so similar to Yankee pitcher David Cone, that it must mean something.
 
2. Yankee ends with a double "e", just like Jolee.
 
and the number 1 Reason Why the Yankees Will Beat the Padres in the World Series:
 
1. If Mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.