An Open Letter to..... (December 4, 1998)

Dear Mother Goose,

I am writing to tell you that you got it wrong. Not all wrong, but significantly incorrect. Unfortunately, the damage has already been to done to an entire culture, and as a result, I am suffering. It is humiliating to be corrected on something that I know is right. Is it my fault millions of people are nursery rhyme lemmings, and accept what is fed them blindly.

I hope my mention of lemmings hasn't frightened you. Nevertheless, let me tell you how it truly goes. It's like this:

Hey Diddle Diddle
the cat and the fiddle,
the cow jumped over the moon.
The little dog laughed
to see such fun
and the dish ran away with the fork.

Yes, I know, everyone thinks the dish ran away with the spoon, but only because it rhymes. Quite convenient for Mr. Fork, wouldn't you say? He and the dish had it all planned out. "Everyone will blame the spoon, just because it rhymes."

Ha! Mother Goose, you can't fool me. I realize you're probably in on this conspiracy. But now, when anyone sings this song, I insist on the RIGHT way. Just the other night, my grandma was trying to sing it the old Warren Commission way, but I held my hand over her mouth and yelled FORK! I think she understands now.

By the way, I know where the spoon is buried. Send me one million dollars and your secret's safe with me (and my family, of course). Otherwise, I tell the cops. Need I remind you, Mother Goose, what some people like to eat during the holidays?

Sincerely,

Jolee Pauline Lineka Cohen


Jeff Thorsen replied:

Sorry, old chum.....

The little dog laughed to see such SPORT



-jt